ALEX'S THOUGHTS ON THE BOOK: BECOMING ALEX
Recorded by Mom
10/10/21
Alex:
I thought you would video record me. I won’t be talking much.
Mom:
I’m not sure I have the space on my phone, did you want me to video record you?
Alex:
Kind of.
Mom:
Not enough space.
Alex:
OK…
…
Oh, it’s the little light thingy that Gammy bought me!
…
Mom:
What you are reading now is the introduction and it might go in the back of the book. Not sure.
Alex:
I’m not genderqueer, I’m non-binary.
Mom:
OK, but that is what you told me early on, genderqueer, but I can change it.
Alex:
I told you that at the time.
Mom:
Right, at the time. Remember this book unfolded in real time over a year.
Alex:
Ok, ok, but if it is going to introduce the book, then it should be about who I am now.
Mom:
Good point. You know as the year progressed, my writing reflected your preferred pronoun of the week. Remember you wanted to be called “she” at first, but you transitioned away from “she,” so you were “they,” but that got awkward, remember? Then you said you didn’t want to use any pronouns, so I tried and kept getting it wrong, so you allowed me to use “they.” I guess now you are back to no pronouns, but you seem OK with it when I fuck it up. That is why the book is called, Becoming Alex because you were, and still are, becoming.
Alex:
Ok, that is fine, I get that it changes around throughout the book, but can you make the introduction reflect today?
Mom:
Sure!
Alex:
OK, so when you say “sex for an ace person” it reads like gender sex, not sex sex.
Mom:
But I am talking about how you love, like wanting to cuddle instead of having sex.
Alex:
Then make sure you clearly say that it is about physical sex.
Mom:
Ok, then sexuality?
Alex:
Yup, that’s good.
…
Alex:
I never started challenging you in the pictures, I just challenged you as a person. I was always willing to let you take pictures of me. I still am!
Mom:
I saw it even when you were eight, you would give me that look.
Alex:
Ok, sometimes I liked making faces at you, that’s a kid thing to do.
…
Mom:
You OK?
Alex:
No, I’m just crying because you appreciate that I’m trying to honor my family by keeping my middle name as Margaret.
Mom:
It means the world to me.
…
Alex (laughing):
I refuse to believe that I ever liked pink. Maybe hats and dresses, but pink?
Mom (laughing):
OK. I refuse to argue. But that pink Mud Hens baseball cap? And the pink Michigan coat?
Alex:
I did love that hat, and that coat.
……..
Alex:
Wait, I wouldn’t talk to you?
Mom
For days, because you were sad about Anna. Then when the dog got sick you came out of it.
Alex:
Well of course… but
Mom:
That’s what happened! Then you opened up about how sad you were over Anna.
…
Alex:
Oh yeah, I recorded that when I almost went to go visit Anna while I was dating Rose. I miss Rose but can’t reach her. I think her parents found out that she is gay. Nobody on Discord has heard from her in months.
Mom:
That recording was important to include. This is about you, but it is also about me, and parents like me. They want to understand what falling in love means for their kids who are like you.
…
Alex:
Oh yes, my birth ribbon from that box you kept for me. I just wanted to put it in my hair and wear the necklace you got me when I was little.
…
Mom:
I really like that picture of you laying on your bed in the dark and in the light.
Alex :
Oh yes (sarcastic), laying there in agony about my body.
Mom:
But it is honest.
…
Alex:
I remember putting up that façade about Daniel Radcliff. All the girls had a crush on a male celebrity, it felt weird not having one.
…
Alex:
That’s right about ace people, some are repulsed by the idea of sex. I don’t get repulsed by the idea of it unless it involves me.
…
Mom:
That picture is from a book that you made.
Alex (laughing hysterically):
“The dragon woke up on a Sunday morning. The morning was great. (snicker) The cow followed the dragon to heaven”.. (snicker’s loud) … What the fuck! (more snickering!).
Mom:
(Alex still laughing) Oh it was such a great book with lots of pictures and stories!
Alex:
Then when you do my transition book will include my musical stuff?
Mom:
When I do the transition book?
Alex:
The book about my physical transition! I thought you were doing a follow-up book?
Mom:
Ok… yeah, we can do that!
…
Alex:
Oh my! You have that text about the money!
Mom:
I thought that was funny.
Alex:
(Laughing)…You know that text took me like 30 minutes to write because I was trying to be super non-passive aggressive and super like “this is exactly what I’m saying and you should think about it from my point of view and not because of other things and stuff like that…”
…
Alex:
Oh, that picture still breaks my heart, the one with poochie in a cast.
Mom:
But your personality comes through…
Alex,
Oh, and the puppies are facetiming!
Mom:
You know how many times you asked me to do that?
Alex:
Yes, … I can’t wait to see my poochie girl.
…
Alex:
Oh, I completely forgot that text about parent names! Maybe I should start using Noni instead of Mom again.
…
Alex:
I love this photo because I look a lot like a guy
Mom:
I know, that’s why I put it in there, and I love how the blue in your picture talks to the blue of the ballerina outfits that you guys are wearing in the next picture. It is part of the conversation.
…
Mom:
Oh, that is the picture from when you were eight that looks like you are challenging me.
Alex:
No, I was just dead inside.
…
Alex:
(Uncontrollable laughing)
I said I was sorry that you got stuck with me?? That is totally something that I would say!!!
Mom:
Oh yeah, that was the really rough time last March. I think I understand that better now. I think you were really sick.
(go back later if need be about the comments on Alex’s behavioral age)
…
Alex:
You said I could talk to a doctor about T a year ago!
Mom:
Then do it. Talk to a doctor about how it might impact your health.
…..
Alex:
Why do I always get a massive pimple there?
…..
Alex:
That necklace makes such a great crown! I feel like the queen of nature!
Mom:
You ARE!
…
Mom:
What do you think?
Alex:
I like it
Mom:
Just to summarize, you want me to update the statement?
Alex:
Yes, but then you’re going to do another one about my transition?
Mom:
Yes, sure, the next one.New Paragraph
